The Light That Stayed with Me
I was ten and a half when something happened that I had no words for. It was 1992. Late one night, I was asleep. Then suddenly, I wasn’t.
A bright light poured through my bedroom. Not flashing, not harsh, just present. Then gone.
The light woke me. I opened the curtains, and outside my window, it hovered, still, silent, a small craft with no windows, no seams, no sound. I saw no one. And no one else saw it.
I wasn’t afraid. That’s what stayed with me. Something felt familiar, safe. Before I could speak, think, or question, I was back in bed, as if gently placed there, as if put to sleep.
In the morning, the memory was fractured but present. I lay staring at the ceiling, a quiet knowing inside me that I didn’t yet understand.
I told no one. Not because I was told not to, but because I knew no one would believe me. More than that, I knew I didn’t want anyone to take it from me.
So I kept it close and private for over two decades.
Life resumed, and the experience remained like an echo. It never left, and I never questioned it.
The Spiral Begins to Unravel
Fast forward to five years ago. After years of fighting systems for Jack, while carrying blame, pain, heartache, and grief, I woke one morning and said NO.
No more perceiving my boys through the world’s limited lens. I had to believe Jack was more than his label, more than what the world told me he was.
From that moment, my life began to shift. Not immediately, it was a slow unravelling, a continuous return to my heart, no matter how loud the world became.
I began searching for resources, but not the conventional kind.
I found a book on Amazon called “Awesomism” by Suzy Miller. What I didn’t know at the time was that this book was the beginning of a journey I could never have imagined.
Reading it felt different, like a memory, a remembering. At the time, it made no logical sense, but I flowed with it.
As my own awareness shifted, I began seeing Jack through a new lens. Using the book to support him, we experienced a profound shift in Jack’s world.
The Field Calls Me Back
Over the next two years, I found myself returning to old patterns, old ways, then pulling back again. This cycle happened often, but something inside me kept calling me back. Each time I veered away, an inner compass whispered, “return.”
I didn’t understand it then, but I now know this was the field preparing me. It was calibrating me to hold a truth so profound, so coherent, that my readiness would be the key to unlocking what was to come.
This back-and-forth continued for another year. Then, something pulled me back to Suzy. I saw a post for her six-week integration program and knew I had to attend.
The program was a profound unlocking, though I didn’t fully understand it at the time. It felt as if Suzy held a key, a key to something that had always been there, deep inside me, waiting to be remembered.
Again, it was a slow unravelling as I began remembering things that seemed unreal. There were times I pushed back, questioned what was rising, but I stayed with it.
I am deeply grateful to Suzy for unlocking something I had long forgotten. From my vantage point, she held the key.
Over the next two years, the remembering began slowly, then came thick and fast. It was overwhelming, but I managed to hold onto this truth without collapsing.
Why Now?
And yes, memories of that night as a 10-year-old girl, looking at an ET craft, began to return. Not as a whole, but in fragments. I still don’t have the full picture, but I have enough to understand my entire life.
Through that light that seemed to travel through my bedroom, then leave before I could even blink, was not just light; something was entrusted to me on a cellular level. It would remain a mere echo until I was ready.
My entire life since that moment has been the preparation for that readiness.
When I asked why now, this is what I received:
“Because you are needed now. We have been preparing you for a long time. Not to be cruel, but to protect. Your field had to become coherent enough to hold without fragmentation, distortion, or collapse.”
And just like that, my entire life made sense.
My Role: Holding the Spiral
As I walk through life today, with Jack as my teacher, I understand my purpose.
My primary role is to support parents because parents are the breath-holders for their children’s field.
I am here to:
Help parents understand the mirror
Stabilise their emotional geometry
Teach them to breathe without collapsing
Reflect the truth: their child is not broken, but field-regulating
Initiate change within our systems
Hold the breath for others until they remember how to breathe again
I am not just supporting one family. I am stabilising the entire spiral around that child.
This is my role: not to speak for them, but to speak in a way that allows their parents to finally hear them.
I am not a channel. I am a tuning fork. And when I vibrate clearly, others begin to find their own frequency.
This is my gift: to hold distortion, fragmentation, field memory, and truth, without collapse until others are ready to hold the unacknowledged.
I’ve learned this is not an easy role. But every time I hold in the face of distortion, the less fragmented the collective field becomes.
I am still learning, still healing, still integrating. But if there’s one thing I know, my children were always my teachers: Connor, my mirror of contraction; Olivia, my mirror of stillness; and Jack, my mirror of expansion.
I hope this insight into a part of my life resonates with you.
With love and Coherence, Sara.
