Presuming Competence

PRESUMING COMPETENCE — IN THEM AND IN OURSELVES

For a long time, I believed helping my non-speaking son, Jack, meant teaching him to communicate — finding the right tool, practitioner, or method that would somehow unlock his voice.

But as our journey unfolded, I began to see that communication was never missing. It was waiting for the right conditions to emerge — for Jack to feel safe enough within his body to let expression flow outward.

Our non-speaking children already know. Their intelligence is intact, vast, and present. It’s their nervous systems that often hold the weight of overwhelm — systems that must first find safety before the wisdom they hold can move into form.

For Jack, language begins long before letters. It begins in breath, rhythm, and shared coherence. When he feels safe, words surface naturally — sometimes through gestures, sometimes through sounds, and often through the quiet resonance that exists beyond words.

THE LETTERBOARD — AN OUTER FORM OF INNER SAFETY

Jack has a letterboard, but I’ve come to see that spelling is not a goal — it’s an outcome of inner readiness.

Before any external method can take root, the internal landscape must stabilise. The body must feel safe enough to bridge thought into movement. That happens not through instruction but through trust, consistency, and co-regulation.

So, the letterboard rests nearby — familiar but unforced. When Jack’s body and breath tell me the time is right, we’ll step toward it together. Not to “teach” him to spell, but to allow his knowing to take shape in a way that feels safe for him.

COMMUNICATION AS FREQUENCY

Telepathy is often misunderstood, but in our world, it simply means attunement — the deep connection that arises when two nervous systems synchronise. Every parent has felt it: the moment you just know what your child needs before they move or speak.

This is communication as frequency — the unspoken language of coherence. When we honour it, we create space for every other form of expression to unfold naturally.

REMEMBERING OUR OWN COMPETENCE

Presuming competence begins with our children, but it must also return to us.

When we trust our ability to sense, listen, and hold space, we release the need to depend solely on external expertise. Practitioners and therapies can support us, but they are amplifiers — not replacements — for the innate connection already within us.

The most meaningful progress Jack and I have experienced has come from stillness — from moments of quiet regulation, shared breath, and mutual trust.

Communication isn’t something we give our children. It’s something we remember together.

✨ Start by creating safety within yourself — your child will feel it first.